Lesson 02 (Brokenness)

LESSON 2:  BROKENNESS LEADER'S GUIDE

KEY CONCEPT
Admit your brokenness and inability to love your spouse like God loves you.
The goal of this lesson is to help participants recognize that they play a part in any of the problems in their marriage, even though many came to re|engage believing their spouse is the problem. The quote from John McGee is the one that truly marks re|engage and encourages spouses to draw a circle around themselves and own their part. Couples should leave this lesson with a sense that the true problem is the sin that lies deep within them.

QUESTION HIGHLIGHTS

• Q2: This question can provide a real breakthrough, for a couple of reasons:
  - When someone shares, don’t expect them to provide an example of all 6 topics but just ask people to share one or two. The humility exhibited will stifle defensiveness and lead others to share. In the moment God is graciously cultivating a spirit of safety where people can look at themselves without fear.
  - For many, it will be new for them to share their sin struggles out loud. Participants already recognize a lot of those struggles in their spouse, but it will be comforting for them to hear the other admit it. Now they have a chance to fight those sins together. As a leader couple you might share an example of something that one or both of you previously struggled with and how admitting it was the start of healing.
• Q3: Some participants hope that their spouse will admit some long-standing hindrance in this question. If they don’t, it can cause conflict when they discuss their answers because the participant feels like their spouse is oblivious. Rather than diving into the question you could simply ask “Did anyone experience conflict while sharing answers to Q3, or was anyone encouraged by what was shared?”
• Action Item 2: This is the first big chunk of Scripture that participants have been asked to process on their own. For participants who are new to the Bible or not even believers, this could be very intimidating. They may not even know where to find Psalm 51. Help everyone find it then consider reading the passage out loud and have participants chime in with observations. Reinforce that you want them to bring Bibles each week.

REMINDERS

• Note the footnote associated with Q1. Be on the lookout for any spouse that you suspect might be suffering abuse. Make sure you have read Appendix A thoroughly. An additional resource for leaders is also available.
• Brokenness stirs up a lot of stuff and can result in raw emotions for some couples as they start to bring things up. This lesson is a great opportunity for leaders to exhibit empathy.
• Some participants may share some crazy or unusual things. Do your best not to be shocked or alarmed as your reaction will set the tone for future sharing. Follow-up outside group if clarification is needed.
• This lesson is likely one you need to revisit over and over, to remind participants to stay inside their circle and deal with their own sin.
• One analogy that can be helpful in this lesson is the triangle: God at the top angle, the husband at one, and the wife at one. As each spouse draws closer to God individually, the distance between the spouses shrinks. And even if your spouse does not change at all, if you change then the distance shrinks. Own your part and let God change your spouse.
• Start planning a time to meet outside of group for a dinner or social gathering.